On Clerkship

Less than 8 hours and my official life as a clerk will start. Honestly, after 3 years of medschool, I’d say

“I AM NOT YET READY.”

I can’t sleep. I’m too busy preparing my things seeing to it I don’t leave anything. My heart is pounding like crazy.Orientations, reminders, shopping for equipment and the likes all add to the nerves of someone who is entering a whole new world. The sad part about it? I’ll be leaving my old life, leaving my family, leaving my friends, and leaving my old habits. It’s finally time to grow up and face the reality that I am taking up Medicine and I am going to be a doctor!

My first duty tomorrow will be a 36hour shift (duty + post-duty) and I am totally clueless on what to do or expect. Yes, deep inside I’m so stressed out and I’m really afraid of many things. “Will the doctors shout at me? What will I do if a patient dies? How will I compose myself when things go wrong? WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN?” – All these questions are making me think twice about this.

But come tomorrow, I THINK I’ll do just fine. Why? Because I have a battle plan. 3 simple things:

  1. Purpose. God sent me here for a purpose. I initially never considered medicine as a career and tried to quit a couple of times. But here I am, I made it past the last 3 years of medschool even though I thought I wasn’t going to make it. The only explanation is that it is God’s will that I am here, and He’s going to use me for His greater purpose.
  2. Grace. Again, God won’t send me here if He won’t help me out. He is ALWAYS with me making me get through each and every obstacle that comes my way. No, I don’t believe that it’s because of my skills, but I believe it’s because of His grace. As Dr. Jun Aguilar said before he entered medschool: “Lord, what you’re seeing right now is not a med student coming in….. but it’s a doctor coming out!”
  3. Faith. Yes, faith in Him. I have faith that yes, He WILL get me through this. As the song goes, Jesus take the wheel! Constantly, I will have to remind myself that I have NOTHING to worry about. All I need to do is give my best and to simply trust in God that He will get me through as He always did. Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” There is no greater promise than that. All I have to do is put my faith in Him and in no time, I’ll be done with clerkship!

All 3 plans involve God. Why? Because without Him, we can never make it far. I CAN NEVER MAKE IT TO WHERE I AM TODAY. It may sound cliche but that is the truth. Without Him, we are limited by our mere human skills. But with Him, we will reach farther than whatever we can imagine!

So I guess it’s time to go to bed. 36 hours of pain and stress await me tomorrow, but hey! I’m smiling right now! Maybe all I needed to do was to blog about my thoughts and feelings, and REMIND MYSELF about my battle plan for tomorrow and the days to come. To whoever is reading this, I urge you to do the same! There’s nothing to lose if you put your whole life and whole trust in God. Whatever stress, problem, or obstacle come your way, put your trust in Him! His plans may not be clear now, but keep on fighting! In the end, you will achieve His purpose for you and His purpose is forever good, pleasing, and perfect! What more can you ask for? :)

Be it funny or sad, inspiring or disappointing, follow me as I blog about the world of clerkship and as I find out my true purpose and calling in life!